Lunchables

Ok, so the other day I was grocery shopping when I came upon one of my childhood delights: Lunchables. Specifically, the Turkey and American Lunchables. As soon as I saw them, it was like some sort of mind-trigger and I began remembering all the good times I had stacking those crackers meat and cheese in various sequences, how I dared to put TWO slices of turkey on a cracker and then was disappointed with the just cracker and cheese I had later. Basically, lunchables are awesome.

What are they even made of though? I think one of the main reasons Lunchables are so good is that apart of stimulating the creativity of a young child, the quality of the food is so mediocre, it fits like a glove on the hand that is my own mediocrity. Queens don't eat lunchables, but neither to homeless people (they can't always afford it, and it's not very energy efficient because it has like 200 calories). No, lunchables are a staple for mediocre, middle of the road type people. Kids whose parents are organic nutjobs don't even shop at stores where they sell lunchables. Kids whose parents send them smoked salmon and capers for lunch don't even do their own shopping. But kids whose mom shops at Wal-Mart, those kids get lunchables.

I remember when I was like 7 or 8 and they started going crazy on the lunchables. They started making Pizza and Nacho and Deep Dish Pizza. They started coming with chocolate, and a Capri Sun, and other random stuff. It was crazy. I almost lost my mind over the pizza ones which, in retrospect were more trouble than they were worth. I don't know why they people at the Lunchables company assumed that elementary school aged children has the spatial reasoning ability to divide a single tube of sauce into three even portions. No matter what I tried one of them always had too much and one always had too little. On top of that, if you didn't keep an ice pack in you lunch bag, the mozzarella would all melt together into one big blog and when you took it apart, it got all in your fingernails. Gross.

No, the classic lunchable is still the best. I definitely bought that lunchable when I saw it. I ate it as soon as I got home. Heaven.